In its simplest form, life is mostly about relationships and to some extent negotiation. I would like to share a tip about relationships,whether this relationship is with kids, your spouse, people at work or friends and family. This tip is applicable to all of the above.
How many times have you been in an interaction with someone, and they said something or did something, or maybe didn’t say something and you lost it internally? You were just so angry, and when that person asks you to talk to them about it in that moment you say something that you will regret.
So here’s the tip about relationships. When you feel anger, frustration and your self defense mechanisms coming on, leave the conversation. You can say something like ‘right now I’m afraid of what’s going to come out of my mouth that i will regret later’ and then take a timeout. This is because in that moment your body and your mind is completely hijacked. Have you ever tried to be logical with a child that is having a tantrum? How’s that worked out? With the child your logic actually makes them go deeper and deeper into the tantrum. They get louder and louder. So this is exactly what is happening inside your body when you are in that state of hijack. You are no longer there!
Therefore if you want healthy and connected intimate relationships with others, do everyone a favor when you feel that emotional state coming. Ask for permission to leave, then leave and allow your system an opportunity to calm down. All these chemicals are surging through your body and you are in full-on fight-or-flight mode. It takes anywhere between 30 to 90 minutes for that chemical reaction to calm down.
Your brain needs to reassess the situation. You will find that when you are removed from a certain situation, you can always come back with a clear mind and vision of what it is you want to communicate. You will also not end up saying things that will regret or have to apologize for later. Remember the next time you get into a heated argument or fight, give yourself a timeout and say that I will come back to you, I just need some time to cool down.
I hope that this tip is of benefit.